eighthphase

THE SEMESTER IS SO FUCKING OVERRRRRRRR you have no idea how happy I am

Today was a terrible shitty day but it's over now! So I can go the fuck to sleep and wake up in the morning and bask in the glory of knowing that I don't have to do anything. For an entire month and a half!

Which isn't exactly true, I have a lot of crocheting to do and not a lot of time to do it in, just like last year. I'm like 99% sure I can actually get it done in time, though, provided I have enough podcasts/LP episodes to keep me going through it all, and since I'm like two months behind on Science Sort Of (at least), I don't think I'll be running out any time soon.

Which reminds me, I should catch up on GG and WE, since they have short episodes that are easy to catch up on.

Anyway I'm updating my podcasts and then going to bed, because I am tired and I think I deserve all the sleep I could possibly want.

I have my myths all outlined, now, and I know which theorists I want to use. I just don't know which one to use for which myth.

Lévi-Strauss has structuralism on his side, which - I believe - includes binary oppositions? I wanted to use Jung to analyse The Story of Fenris (that's how the book I have puts it; you might be more familiar with the character in question as Fenrir, but either way it's Loki's wolf-kid - and yes, the urge to make DAII jokes is extremely hard to fight), but considering that the entire point of the story is to tell how Tyr ended up with only one arm/hand (the book says he's called one-armed, but it then explicitly states that Fenris/r bites off Tyr's hand) it seems like it would be better set up as the two powers in opposition to each other, so Lévi-Strauss would work better for that one.

(I only just realised that this book refers to Ragnarok as the twilight of the gods - admittedly that may well be what it's usually called - which .hack// refers to in... uh, some point in The World's mythos. I was picking up on a lot of familiar names from it as I skimmed through some Celtic mythology, but I suppose the writers pulled from other sources, as well.)

(Also, the whole "binary opposition" thing would probably work even better for Fenris and Tyr if they actually fought each other in the aforementioned event, but Fenris actually takes out Odin, and Tyr fights somebody else.)

I suppose Jung actually does work out okay for Cuchulain's Madness, because you could argue that what Maev's magical kiddies set on him was actually the Shadow and/or that he's seeing figures of the ~*~collective unconscious~*~!! That is, that Cuchulain in this particular slice of myth represents the individual's journey to seek equality/harmony between the archetypes and create their own "mandala" in doing so.

(I AM A SHADOW, THE TRUE SELF - yeah, okay, couldn't resist. Every time Jung comes up, and especially any time his concept of the Shadow is mentioned, I just have to make a Persona reference. I have to. I just can't help it.

That said, my shadow would either be ridiculously pathetic or frighteningly murderous, or possibly both, and the fact that I can't figure out which it would be is actually the tiniest bit scary. I'm 95% sure my persona would make me the resident Rise/Fuuka, though, although I can only hope that I would be a lot less annoying than either.)

So... huh, I guess I just worked out what I needed to know to keep working on my essay! :D And with two whole hours before I have to go do magical exam final stuff, how nice~!

That said, I'm still knitting another row or two before I get back to writing, because that's just how I roll.

So last night I picked my myths. I, uh, figured out which pages in the books actually had myths on them then rolled a random number generator for a page number and picked the one that was on it. So I get to write about Fenris and some stuff about Cuchulain. (I really wish the Celtic book were laid out the same as the Norse one; it would be a lot easier. It might just be that their myths tended to be, well, different, though, idk.)

I am so fucking tired though, you don't even know. I was sort of considering buying a mocha before selling my textbooks last night? I am not even considering it any more. I'm doing it. I'm making it happen. That's assuming I can stay up for the three hours before I even get up to campus, of course... I mean, I get to read myths! And then write about them! This should be easy! Uh, not really, ugh. At least I have the rubric to guide me.

Then I've also got a bio final today, right, so I wanted to study up for that, too. I downloaded the study guide a while ago but didn't really bother to look at it until this morning, thinking that I should probably use this time to study, since I'm taking that final before the paper is due. Then I looked over the study guide and realised that I knew everything on it. I mean, not in ridiculous detail or anything, but I could generally answer all the questions that it asked. Which is weird, because a lot of it I didn't even learn in that class, and the stuff I did learn I... apparently didn't realise I learned? Because I don't pay very much attention in that class, I mean, what with always being busy doodling or crocheting or whatever. Although, I guess it isn't necessarily true to say I don't pay attention, considering that I am usually participating in class discussions and stuff...

I guess the point is that I am apparently an academic sponge, in addition to having the academic superpower of minimum effort -> maximum profit. If only the professors in all my lecture classes would let me just sit and crochet in class; I'd probably learn loads. I mean, it's not like I ever really refer back to my notes anyway.

(Actually, it's probably just that class in particular. There's a lot you can go into in genetics but there's not actually, uh, that much, if you're doing the basic overview level. So if you've had a sex ed class that was in any way decent and a biology class that discussed genetics for a chapter or two, then you basically learned almost everything I did this semester. Since I did both of those things in high school - in the same year, in fact - I already knew a ton of stuff going in. I did learn new things! But I also didn't learn very many.)

...ugh, so tired. Fuck. I really need to read me some myths, but I also really just want to go back to sleep. Maybe... just another hour or so...? It can't take me eight hours to write the paper, that would just be dumb, so I could probably sleep a bit more, if I tried...

UGHHHHHH SO BURNED OUT ON FINALS

Actually I think I'm probably just burned out on life, really; finals haven't been that stressful. I just don't want to do anything, really.

I'm not even kidding. If it weren't for the fact that there's a group assignment due today I would probably just not even show up for the government final at all. My grade could eat that and I'd still pass with like a B. (When your final's only worth ten percent of your overall grade, I think someone weighed something wrong. But maybe that's just me.) But no, I have to pretend to be responsible, so I get to hole up in the library for like five hours and read six chapters of the textbook and five pages of Tocqueville and do one-page writeups for each thing and then print out two copies because there are two people in my group (including myself).

Honestly I don't think this exam is going to be very hard; neither the California Politics quiz nor the midterm were, and all I did was throw words at the page and pretend that I'd actually paid attention in class (disclaimer: I did not actually pay attention in class). Honestly I even did that with the journal assignment; I did like half as many entries as we were supposed to, but one of them was like six pages because if you tell me to research shit then I'm actually going to do some fucking research, not just some pansy-ass three paragraphs fifteen sentences nonsense. So even though I did exactly 5% of the reading we were supposed to do for the midterm and journalled on exactly none of it, I got full credit for the journal.

Actually I've gotten full credit on every assignment in the class thus far, and apparently this professor goes by what-you-see-is-what-you-get, with each point of credit on an assignment being one percent of your final grade, and since the final is worth ten percent, I technically have a ninety percent in the class. Or maybe an eighty-five; I've forgotten if the group assignment is actually worth any credit or not. Eh, either way it's a pretty decent pass.

So anyway, although I would strongly prefer to stay in bed all day with my cat and my kindle (although I think the cat is on mum's bed, right now), I'm going to get up in half an hour and get dressed and wait for my ride, because he has a 9:30 final and I have homework to do, even if my final today isn't until 2:30, and once I get onto campus I'm going to read six fucking chapters of Government By The People and five pages of Tocqueville and I'm going to do the best notes ever because I've got like five whole hours, and then I'm going to hope to $deity that the printers are actually working and print that shit out, and then I'll show up for the final and kick its ass.

Or just vomit words on it until it begs for mercy, I guess. That does sound more like my style.

In other news, in the past few weeks I've had to read Othello and then write an essay about it - an in-class essay, of course, as a final exam. I managed to bust out an entire outline and seven paragraphs in about an hour and a half, and I felt they were pretty good - and I did it all without actually sitting down and reading the play.

To be fair, I did read bits of it, mostly in class; my professor likes having people actually read out plays, so we did some of that, although I can't say I was paying particularly much attention, particularly as we got maybe two pages in the first day, I was absent the second, and forgot my book the third. (Act V was the fourth, and the exam the fifth, so there's that.) We watched some bits of film versions, as well. For the exam I meant to actually read it, but our textbook has footnotes everywhere explaining the most inane things and it was incredibly distracting, so I found a free podcast version to listen to instead, and I even made it through the middle three acts! So there was that.

I also heavily considered not showing up for bio class... pretty much all last week, really. But I managed to haul myself out and drag myself to the bus stop both days, so that was a success. I started just crocheting through class and nobody even cared. I can only assume the professor noticed, since the first day I was using kind of obnoxiously-coloured variegated yarn (candy kingdom woo!) and the second day I was crocheting something rather a bit larger, but he never said anything. I mentioned this to a friend who I ran into on the bus the second day (there's a few buses that go up to campus but only one that mostly everyone takes; usually I take a much earlier bus, but I was feeling really lazy so I took the last possible one, which just so happened to be the same one she was on) and she said that he probably just didn't care, since he knows I pay attention and I still ask questions and stuff. Which is true, I mean, since I'm not failing the class in the slightest and also was still engaging in conversation and stuff even while crocheting.

I wasn't taking notes at all, of course, but I've stopped taking notes in that class a long time ago. And at least crocheting is more productive than just doodling all over my "notes" - although my bio notes never got as bad as my last few days of English and government notes; those are ridiculous. I should snap photos of them or scan them in or something; they have to be seen to be believed.

I didn't actually finish the pair of obnoxiously-coloured handwarmers I was making (to go with the scarf, of course; I had another pair I'd made but they went rogue on me, and I had another skein of the yarn, so...), but I did make a new kindle case (complete with lining) and a cat ears hood thing which is awesome, so there's that.

I want to try getting some wooden knitting needles; I think that might help me to actually be able to make knitting work, since the metal ones aren't getting me anywhere. Knitting is hard as balls, really; I'm absolutely dreadful at it. I want to learn, though, because then I can be all "click click click" everywhere and be making stuff. Also it's a lot easier to do ribbing when you're knitting than it is when you're crocheting. That's mainly the real reason I want to learn. Well, that and cables, but you can apparently do cables with crochet, too; I just don't know how yet. I also want a wooden crochet hook; a few times I saw these really gorgeous rosewood ones, but they were a bit expensive. They looked so nice, though! And I'd really only need an H size, since that's the one I use most of the time anyway and all my H hooks have vanished on me because they're all tucked into unfinished projects. Which reminds me, the one I was using for Pinky's bag went rogue on me, too, so I really need to find another one.

All I have to do to finish out this semester is the stupid homework I have today, and then my myth paper for anthropology. I've got mythology books already; I just have to pick two fucking myths and then... look up the guidelines for the paper, and then write the thing. Only picking myths is hard ): I'll probably use Norse and Celtic (I also have a book of Chinese myths) but I have no idea which ones I want to actually use. Probably I'll spend tomorrow going over myths and then Wednesday writing the paper, since... I don't have anything going on those days, class-wise. Oh, I'll need to go over the study guide for bio one of those days, too. I'll probably even read the thing, once. Then on Thursday, I can... finish the paper, if I haven't already (pfffft. This is me I'm talking about; of course I won't have finished already) then I've got the bio final, and then my anthro class later in the evening. All I have to do is turn in the paper! ...and then sit around for two hours watching some kind of film and, let's be honest, crocheting throughout the entire thing, because actually paying attention is for losers and anyway it's not like we're going to be tested on it; the final was last week.

SPEAKING OF MY ANTHRO FINAL, that was such a crock of shit. I hardly studied for it at all, I mean, I took like ten minutes to look at the essay questions and bs some basic answers for them so I could actually write the essays on the test. And then I got there and was like... "fffff I don't want to write these, this sucks" and wrote significantly less than I did on the midterm. I bsed a lot more, too, really, and I kind of wanted to fall asleep through the entire essay portion. I was okay once I got out of the classroom, though. I think I probably still did okay, though? And then after the exam a few of us hung around and got some snacks and just kind of talked and stuff. I was still crocheting - trying to finish my hood, okay, and I totally almost did that night; I got the ears finished and also the trim, so I only had sewing the ears on left. Which... I ended up mostly doing the next morning, since my brother decided to be The Drunken Astronomer and that was, uh, a thing that happened for like two hours.

Anyway, I have a bit of homework left and only two finals, which is the important thing to take away from all this. And then a ton of crocheting to do, since I have to unearth that stupid pattern book and then finish the tree and make some dogs - which might be a huge mistake but idk I'm rolling with it - and then finish Pinky's bag and make a matching scarf and also make Kay a matching scarf for her bag. And possibly make a hood for da and a tablet case cover for Sara? Idk, I forgot the measurements she gave me. It was something like 11x8x1.5? I don't really want to ask her again, maybe I'll just wait until she's over one night and they leave to go do whatever and see if she leaves her tablet at home, and measure it again if she does.

I'm going to go get dressed now, and maybe I'll even crack my government textbook open before I get onto campus.

Turned out I didn't terribly need any of that stuff for my English class; my notes are just as doodle-covered as the ones from last week. They're not as bad as my government notes, though; while I did resort to playing tic-tac-toe with myself in English, in government I gave up and literally just started scribbling loopies all over the page. It's basically completely covered in ink, except for a little spot in the top right where I drew Marcy and Cyri as chibis.

The other page of government notes has really terribly-proportioned turian faces, so honestly I think the chibis are probably better.

Also, I had my government paper finished and ready to turn in exactly fifteen minutes before class, because I am a boss.

This morning I found out that all the reading I thought I had to do to finish the book for my paper for my bio class? Yeah, the last ~hundred and fifty pages of the book are notes and references, and therefore completely irrelevant to the paper. Score! :D So... now I just have to write the paper. And then do all my anthropology reading. And the homework for that, too.

...well, okay, so it's not as much work as I thought it was! Which is good enough, okay.

Yesterday I got to register for classes. The day before I'd marked out some to take so I didn't have to go digging for them later; it took me a while, so it was just as well. Then last night my mum asked, "So, just when are all your classes, anyway?" Two of them are online classes, so they're whenever I want them to be. The other two... one of them was Mondays and Wednesdays and the other was Tuesdays and Thursdays. "Isn't there any way you can get them all on the same days?" she asked. Well, no, there really wasn't. So I looked for something else to take instead of poetry - because I actually need that one to graduate. And I couldn't just take three classes, because I need to be a full-time student.

I didn't find anything I wanted to take that was on the same day as my poetry class, but I did drop the programming for art. So now I have poetry, literature: romantic to modern, history of rock and roll, and descriptive drawing. I still have to go up to campus every day, which kind of sucks, but I'll have a lot of free time, too, what with only having one class a day and all. I mean, there's still the online classes, which I can't slack off on! So I probably won't have as much free time as I think. Still, it's a lot better than nothing.

I almost didn't realise I'd posted so recently. Well! This time I'm considerably less pressed for, uh, time. So there's that!

I'm still way way behind on word count, of course; I don't think that's ever going to change, really. I started writing more from Sophia's point of view, though! She's fun to write, and also rather a bit easier than Jacob. Although that's probably only because I've spent almost 30k words in Jacob's head, so writing from anyone else's point of view is a nice change.

30k words. 33,368 words, to be precise. That's a lot of words. It comes out to 44 pages when accounting for font and point size; in 12pt TNR it's... apparently 55 pages, but the margins are weird. That's still a lot of pages. And I'm not even close to done yet! How crazy is that?

I'm all sniffly today for some reason and it's really annoying; I don't like it at all. I'd think I was coming down with something, but I don't seem to have a fever, so I'm probably not. At least I only have the one class today, so I don't have to sit through even more government ugh I really kind of hate that class.

Also! It turns out that the frantic effort I threw into doing that semi-paper (which I labelled as version 0.4, because it's hardly finished in the slightest) was entirely unnecessary, because not only did he not collect them at all, he didn't even get around to seeing if I had any questions or anything. I mean, he asked, barely, and I just said I was fine and didn't need help because, well... I don't, really. I already know what I want to write; I just have to actually write it. And hope that it doesn't go over the page limit. I could write a much longer paper than he's asking for, but, well, what he's asking for is the assignment, so I need to... not write more than he's asking for. I think nine pages is the limit; I don't know if that counts works cited or not. (I once wrote an eight-page research paper, but when counting my bibliography, it came out to eleven. I, uh. I cited a lot of works.) I guess I should email him and ask, but... ughhhhhh.

Also also! The biology presentation went swimmingly. A+ for us! It was apparently quite informative indeed, probably because all of us were concerned that it wouldn't be and so memorised a bunch of random facts about the disease to spout out when relevant. I had a lot of random science-y stuff in my head, actually, most of which I actually said... but I could also explain all of it! So that was okay.

I have an English paper due on Monday that I have absolutely no idea what to write about. It's supposed to be a personal experience essay and... ughhhh not good at those. My life is not interesting! I don't ever do anything! So it's kind of hard to find something we've read to relate to, because... there's not a whole lot to relate anything we've read to. I don't think there's even really much I can relate anything in the textbook to. But I'll have to come up with something, I guess.

Anyway, I should really probably get back to Soulcatcher - the 9k I'm behind on isn't going to write itself, after all! (And honestly, I'm probably not going to write it either, at least not in anything even vaguely resembling a timely manner - but I guess we'll see.)

So today I just kind of stood up, packed all my shit (and there was a lot, remember) and walked straight out of government class. Class wasn't over or anything; I was just 500% Done with it. I guess I never really talked about the Number One Thing that annoyed me about early government class or the steps that I took to get out of it but... Basically there are a few ways in which one can quickly send me into a flying rage and my professor managed to inadvertently do all of them.

Well, not all of them, but a fair few. The ones he managed to hit today were 1)bad science, 2)disgustingly obvious use of emotional appeal, 3)unfortunate implications, and 4)really hardcore anti-abortion rhetoric.

Well. I guess in order they were more like 2 3 1 4 but still.

I wanted to wait out the class and deliver some of number three right back myself, even though that totally wasn't the point at all, but by the time he got a few videos in I was so pissed off I was about to start fucking sobbing right in the middle of class and that doesn't lend itself very well to a verbal beatdown, plus I didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea (several people straight up did actually leave the class because they were crying because the stuff was just ~*~so emotional~*~. Yeah, it was pretty fucking emotional all right - BLIND SEETHING RAGE is, after all, an emotion).

I'd considered leaving class several times before that for various reasons, but didn't do it until then. I probably should have, though, and spared myself the upset - because I was pretty fucking upset, after.

I just really really really hate anti-abortion sentiment and all the hang-ups and baggage that come with it, which is a lot. If I keep going on in this vein I'll end up writing an entire fucking blog post, which is absolutely not my intention - there's a reason I'm not writing a policy paper about abortion, a lot of reasons in fact, and I'm not going to write a post about that, either. But I will say this: there are some things that leave me speechless and in tears for good reasons, like space. And there are some things that leave me speechless and in tears for bad reasons, like pro-life/anti-choice/anti-abortion propaganda.

Now I'm only about 4k behind, but if I don't write more then tomorrow I'll be 6k behind! And that would just be annoying. Of course, I'm not really getting a whole lot right now... ugh.

My plan for today was to catch up entirely at school. Guess what didn't happen?! (Well I guess it's kind of obvious now...) And I remembered a ton of homework I have to do but haven't done, which is... less than fun, obviously. It's mostly reading but there's some other stuff as well and I just... don't even. But I'll have to do it eventually, so...

Some of it I can do at school, which I totally plan on doing because hey, guess who doesn't want to spend all night writing fucking government papers?! But if I do that, then I can't be working on Soulcatcher at school, because, well... I'll be doing something else. Obvs. But I'll probably drag Atropos with me again anyway, just because at least that way I can work on the paper in an environment I actually want to be working in, instead of on the shitty school computers. I keep thinking I don't have much left in my print account, but I actually totally do, so that's not a problem at all.

I just don't really want to do the work, is what the problem is. Because I'm lazy as fuck.

But if I spend the rest of the night writing - actually writing, not pretending to write like I did on Sunday - then I should be able to catch up and maybe even go over even more, which would be nice because the goal, beyond hitting word count, is to finish the stupid story.

So I guess I should probably start doing that, huh?

I have lost the ability to can.

I want a hot chocolate. I have wanted a hot chocolate all day. I had planned on buying one when I was out earlier but then I realised that me actually being at the mall for the first time in months was perhaps not the best thing in the world, as I felt claustrophobic and wobbly and nearly dizzy the entire time, and so I refrained.

"I can make a hot chocolate when I get home," I thought.

Now, I said I've wanted one all day. That is a lie. I have wanted one since Friday. I was going to make an extra nice big one in my N7 mug and it was going to be brilliant. Only I haven't used my N7 mug in a while and it was looking a bit mangy, so I stuck it in the sink to be washed.

The washing-up was done. My mug was set aside on the counter, unwashed. "That's okay," I thought, "maybe she [my aunt, who for some reason always does the washing-up] just forgot to do it." So I put it back in the sink.

Today, the washing-up was done again. I looked when I got home from my ill-fated mall outing and found my mug shoved up on the back of the sink with all the damp sponges, still unwashed. I put it back in the sink again.

I eventually decided I wanted a hot chocolate bad enough to wash the stupid thing myself, so I did. And then I pulled out the big measuring cup I use to heat up milk in which, to my knowledge, hadn't been used since the last time I heated up milk in it.

Except apparently it had been, because it was sitting on the counter, looking a bit mangy and in need of a washing.

And I realised that I just can't even.

(I also realise this is a really stupid thing to be worked up over, but it is literally the one thing I have wanted for days and I don't know why I even expected it to actually work, everyone in this house is a slob and that includes myself but god damn it your kitchen shit is the one thing you should not be sloppy with but I am apparently the only person who is actually bothered by this.)

Sitting up in the library, legs propped up on a second chair, right in front of an outlet. I just plugged my laptop in, so that was useful. As far as word count goes, I'm still pretty behind; about 11.8k.

I did see Mez today, though, so that's fine! I forgot she actually had classes here, but I'm totally not complaining, because I haven't had a chance to actually just talk to her for a while. She had class a lot sooner than I did, though, so we didn't get to talk for too terribly long, but still. I guess she's seen me doing stuff in the library before but didn't interrupt; I told her not to worry about that at all, because I totally don't mind! And I really don't. I'd rather hang out with friends than do actual homework any day of the week.

Although it helps that most of the time I'm in the library I'm not actually doing work at all, but rather just trying to kill time.

Anyway, I should probably get back to Soulcatcher. ...ugh, I kind of don't want to, though. I'm really hungry x: I'm about done with chapter five, so I suppose there really isn't anything stopping me from headed to the cafeteria to go buy food or something, but... nnnngh. I'm getting hot chocolate before class for sure, but I can always buy food after. I do have snacks with me, so I can eat those while I write essay or whatever.  (I don't know why I said "or whatever", because I know that's what I'll be doing in English class today.)