(no subject)
Saturday, 16 April 2011 09:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eighthphaseIt's time for another sappy journal entry! :D
So, first, this. The link takes you to one of his blog entries with the full text, which in turn links to a fan video with that as its closing. Between that and the #SINGitforJapan video, I'm sitting here more than a little blubbery.
I guess I'm due for another blog post about my future. I haven't done one in a while, though I almost did the day before my birthday. I'm eighteen now, after all. It isn't very old, when you think about it, but it's old enough to be considered legally responsible for my own self. I'm an Adult, now, whatever that's supposed to mean. It's not as if I'm suddenly out on my own or anything. Nothing's different at all, let alone anything significant.
If I think too hard about this I'll put myself into hysterics, so I'll try to refrain, for my own health. I don't know what being an Adult means. I'm still in high school, for crying out loud! I don't know what I'm going to do for a living. I don't even know what I'm going to do come fall - am I going to university, or to community college? Am I even going to go to college at all? Will I even be able to? Will I have a job? Will I even have time?
People act like you're supposed to know exactly what you're going to do for the rest of your life, long before you're even legally an adult. I don't know what I'm going to do. Does anyone? In high school there are often guest speakers who say things like, "It's okay if you don't know what you want to do, nobody knows at first," or, "It's okay if you change your mind! Everybody does!" or, "If you haven't done perfectly that's okay, you can always make up for it later." Those are nice things to hear, but ultimately they feel meaningless, because guest speakers aren't there all that often, and when they aren't, all you hear is about how your decisions and choices here and now will affect you for the rest of your life and how you can't mess up now or your life will be ruined, forever, and it gets more than a little overwhelming.
All my friends are getting ready to go to university - and they're all going to universities, basically. They can't wait to get out of high school, to leave home. They're counting down the weeks. Meanwhile I'm sitting here choking up about the idea of going to community college, about how I just finally got used to high school and now it's about to end. I don't want to leave home. I'm not ready. I'm barely even used to being who I am, to being in my own skin - and I'm supposed to have my life all planned out already?
But, ultimately, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I am or am not ready for anything. Life will come at me, whether I want it to or not, and I'll learn to live with it eventually. It might take me longer than my friends, than my peers, but I'll figure it out. I usually do. I just need to stay as true to myself as I possibly can - I'm finally starting to figure out who that is, now. It certainly took me long enough, but I found it in the end. If I can keep hold of it, I'll be all right. If I keep being myself - with all the good, and all the bad, that it entails - I'll be okay. Even if it takes me a while, so long as I keep doing the things that I do, the things that I love, I'll make it in the end.
I'm sure I'll be all right. It's Sakura's invincible spell, and I think it might be mine, too, because it hasn't failed me yet.
So, first, this. The link takes you to one of his blog entries with the full text, which in turn links to a fan video with that as its closing. Between that and the #SINGitforJapan video, I'm sitting here more than a little blubbery.
I guess I'm due for another blog post about my future. I haven't done one in a while, though I almost did the day before my birthday. I'm eighteen now, after all. It isn't very old, when you think about it, but it's old enough to be considered legally responsible for my own self. I'm an Adult, now, whatever that's supposed to mean. It's not as if I'm suddenly out on my own or anything. Nothing's different at all, let alone anything significant.
If I think too hard about this I'll put myself into hysterics, so I'll try to refrain, for my own health. I don't know what being an Adult means. I'm still in high school, for crying out loud! I don't know what I'm going to do for a living. I don't even know what I'm going to do come fall - am I going to university, or to community college? Am I even going to go to college at all? Will I even be able to? Will I have a job? Will I even have time?
People act like you're supposed to know exactly what you're going to do for the rest of your life, long before you're even legally an adult. I don't know what I'm going to do. Does anyone? In high school there are often guest speakers who say things like, "It's okay if you don't know what you want to do, nobody knows at first," or, "It's okay if you change your mind! Everybody does!" or, "If you haven't done perfectly that's okay, you can always make up for it later." Those are nice things to hear, but ultimately they feel meaningless, because guest speakers aren't there all that often, and when they aren't, all you hear is about how your decisions and choices here and now will affect you for the rest of your life and how you can't mess up now or your life will be ruined, forever, and it gets more than a little overwhelming.
All my friends are getting ready to go to university - and they're all going to universities, basically. They can't wait to get out of high school, to leave home. They're counting down the weeks. Meanwhile I'm sitting here choking up about the idea of going to community college, about how I just finally got used to high school and now it's about to end. I don't want to leave home. I'm not ready. I'm barely even used to being who I am, to being in my own skin - and I'm supposed to have my life all planned out already?
But, ultimately, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I am or am not ready for anything. Life will come at me, whether I want it to or not, and I'll learn to live with it eventually. It might take me longer than my friends, than my peers, but I'll figure it out. I usually do. I just need to stay as true to myself as I possibly can - I'm finally starting to figure out who that is, now. It certainly took me long enough, but I found it in the end. If I can keep hold of it, I'll be all right. If I keep being myself - with all the good, and all the bad, that it entails - I'll be okay. Even if it takes me a while, so long as I keep doing the things that I do, the things that I love, I'll make it in the end.
I'm sure I'll be all right. It's Sakura's invincible spell, and I think it might be mine, too, because it hasn't failed me yet.